Guide: People

Guide: People
Guide: People
Landmarks	Observe Impermanent People Try Out Other-Centeredness Listen to Someone Mindfully

Overview

Because we interact with other people regularly, it's a perfect opportunity to practice shifting our perceptions. As we shift our perception, we should notice the following different states

• The Self - You are the center of the universe
• The Other - Other people exist and experience themselves as The Self
• The Self as The Other - a form of empathy, experiencing to some degree what it is to be The Other
• The Self and The Other - perceiving no difference between subject and object
• Neither Self nor Other - Unity

Beyond these concepts, you will find a great range of Mindfulness can be used while interacting with people, and especially the skills in this guide.

When

You can do these exercises anytime you are around other people, but typically it's easiest when ...

• Eating around a table; at a restaurant
• On a conference call
• Talking one-on-one
• On a walk with someone

General Visual Exercises

• When with one or more other people, shift your attention to one other person, and notice that from your own visual perspective, the other person is infinitely more real than you are. Try to be fully present and you will notice that although you do not manifest in any meaningful way, the other person is manifesting in many ways.
  • They are expressing emotions on their face and body language - From your perspective, none of that is present about yourself; you can't see your face or interpret the position of your arms.
  • They are making sounds from their mouths and as their body shifts, or objects they are holding are making soft sounds - If you are resting in the moment, none of that is true about you.
  • Pick out as many details about this person as you can - especially notice features that are not available about yourself from your own perspective.
    • What do they look like - hair, skin, ears, face, hands, clothes.
    • What do they sound like - each minor sound from their body as they move, inflections and timbre in their voice.
    • Without any judgement, note the quality of their emotional energy - are they at peace, are they amused, are they joyful? Turn attention back to your own emotional state and allow that to evaporate into nothingness.
• When in a group of people, observe each person in turn, recognizing that from their perspective they are the center of the universe. Shift to the next person and note how different the world is from their perspective. This can range from the very simple to the profound.
  • What can one person see that the other person can't? Most obviously their own faces, but whatever is behind them at the time isn't visible to them, but it is to everyone else.
  • How might different emotions affect the way each person is experiencing the moment?
• Note when two people are talking to each other and shift your attention from what one person is experiencing and then to what the other person is experiencing from their perspective. Note again that from your own perspective, each of these people is more real than you are.
• Remind yourself of The Headless Way and note that everyone you see except yourself has a head, and a body, and a clear set of attributes that are not perceptible in yourself from your perspective.

Listening

Another practice is to fully devote all your attention to another person. The main points are to give the other person all the time they need to say what they want to say, and to pay attention fully to that person and what they say.

Beginner

• Practice paying attention to ...
  • the tone, emotion, energy, inflection, or any quality of voice you notice
  • the topic as if it is the most important thing in the world
  • the opinions expressed, and mentally feel the great value of the other person's wisdom and knowledge
• Notice if you have an urge to interrupt, or just an eagerness for "your turn" - relax that need until it goes away
• Whenever there is a pause, enjoy the pause for its own sake and quality. Let that pause linger, not anticipating more conversation, but welcoming it if it does come.
• When the other person asks for your engagement, give it to them fully, focusing on responding to their topic, their energy

Intermediate

• As you listen, imagine the person as if they are the only person in the world (including yourself!)
• Allow your own opinions and thoughts to soften, and feel the sense that at least in The Now, the words you are hearing are the only words that exist.
• Allow your own judgement and your entire self to evaporate and discover that person is the new center of the universe. Feel that recentering, feel the real knowledge that they are experiencing emotions and thoughts, and urges and needs. Note that they can feel their own body, and they can focus their attention on sounds and sights from their own perspective and driven by their own needs. Finally, allow yourself to become them for even one blink of an eye.

Landmark: Observe Impermanent People

Landmark: Observe Impermanent People
Beacons	Association
Realms	Enrollment
Lenses	Nonself
Guides	People
Trails	Learn About Association

The Landmark of Observe Impermanent People is a chance to experiment with the idea that there is no permanent, unchanging self. This Landmark is within the Realm of Enrollment, and is part of the Beacon of Association, more specifically the Lens of Nonself.

Landmark Lookouts:

• Changes in Other People: Can you observe and acknowledge that other people change from year to year, and even more often than that, they are in fact changing every moment?
  
• The Changing You: Can you see - at least at some level - how "You" (The Self) is a constantly changing concept?
  

Whenever you're in a group of people, especially if there's a variety of ages...

• Think about who you are in this very moment. Your age, your appearance, your health, your clothing, your hopes, your anxieties. This is "You".
• Look around at all the people. Who are they? What is their age, appearance, health, and everything else?
• Choose a person, whoever you like. Is there anything about them that reminds you of what you used to be like, or what you think you'll be like after some years have passed?
• Think of yourself as a young child. Is that "you" - it couldn't be, they barely resemble anything about you now.
• Think about what you might be like in 10 or 20 or 50 years. What about your older relatives, what are they like? Will you in the future still be the same you of today?
• Think again about who you are in this moment.
• Look around again at all the people. Notice that wherever each of them is going, whatever they're doing, whoever they are Now, that person will be gone forever in 10 years - they would have transformed to their future self.
• And finally, just for a while, realize that each of us is changing each day, each hour, and really each second, and there is no "You" that could last for longer than that.